Joan's WESTERL♥ve

Joan's WESTERLOVE

My Beautiful Joan

                                  New Element Discovered 

In early October, 2005, a major research institution announced discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.  The new element has been named "Governmentium".  Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons. Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert.  However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.  A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.  In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.  When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes Administratium (Am)... an element which radiates just as much energy as Gv since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons!

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STATISTICS: DOCTORS AND GUNS

[Excludes Ophthalmologists]

Doctors: 

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000. 

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are  120,000. 

(C) Accidental deaths per physician is  0.171. Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services. 
   
 Now think about this: 

Guns: 

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.  is 80,000,000.  (Yes, that's 80 million..)  

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.  

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188. Statistics courtesy of FBI So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. 

Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do." 

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!   

Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.

Editorial Note: For the very best  in eye care please visit my friends Chris and Forrest Gabriels 'the Eyes Guys'  at

http://www.GabrielsEyeMDs.com

Old but true

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . having friends.
At age 80 success is . not peeing in your pants.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.
Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short