Joan's WESTERL♥ve

Chickens and Road Crossings 

GEORGE W BUSH

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of
the road or not. The chicken is either against us or
for us. There is no middle ground here.

JOHN KERRY

I voted to support the chicken crossing the road
before I voted against the chicken. I do not believe
the chicken should have crossed the road  without
the support of the French, Germans, and United
Nations. What we need is approval for "GLOBAL" chickens!

HANS BLIX

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other
side of the road.

RALPH NADER

The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road
had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed.
The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat
on the other side of the road because it was crushed
by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH   LIMBAUGH

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but
I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross
the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is
already forming a support group to help chickens
with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?
How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens
crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And
when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money,
money the government took from you to build a road for
chickens to cross.

DR SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
crossed I've not been told

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.

BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time,
the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious
case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong
dream of crossing the road

KARL MARX

It was an historic inevitability

BILL GATES

I have just witnessed eChicken2009, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook and internet explorer
is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS

Did I miss one?

BARACK OBAMA

Yes they can. It's their time for crossing the road.

Blah Blah and more Blah Blah!

JOHN F. KENNEDY

Ask not what your chicken can do for you,
Ask what you can do for your chicken.

JOHN PAUL JONES

We have not yet begun to cross the road

RICHARD M. NIXON

When the President crosses the road, that means that it's not illegal.

DOG DIARY :

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to  keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attem pt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and  seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe..... for now...